Monthly Archives: September 2009

After the Abuse-Your Spiritual Self

The following words consistently nuzzle themselves into the soft acceptance of my awaiting Spirit. Some have found a permanent resting place. These words have assisted me on my return journey toward my Spiritual Self with the reminder that there was never a disconnection, only a belief of a disconnection. Apply what your Spirit guides you to apply. Your Spirit can be trusted.

After the Abuse Blog

The purpose of this blog is to further open the ancient channels within you. Those channels lead to the holy place of your Being. It is that place within you that has remained untouched, unharmed and pure in its goodness. Nothing that was done to you or said to you has reached this place of completeness. Nothing you have done or said to yourself has had any influence on that interior place of faultlessness. It is from that place that all healing will flourish. It is from that place that your truthful insights, your right choices and your desire to heal, originate. It is from that place that has propelled you toward your authentic self. It is from that place that invited these words to reach you.

Though the channels that lead to that place deep within you have been blocked with pain, guilt, confusion and rage, you have worked to clear them and have succeeded, at times, in tapping into Source. You have glimpsed the glory of your true nature. You have heard the whisper concerning your greatness but can not contain that possibility, though you are close to being able to do so. As you become more in tune to who you really are, your ego will not hijack your Spiritual insights and turn them into puffed-up knowledge. As you risk living with the peace that resides within you, you will not fear your mind’s tendency to pillage that peace. You seek freedom from experience-induced beliefs and you have that freedom. You crave relief from a haunting past that continues to hinder your movement toward your purpose and your potential. That craving comes from that place within you and will continue to nudge you toward that unmolested place of serenity.

Your doubts concerning your worth, the blaming voice that convicts you, will be transformed into a new knowledge of your true nature. The channel to your divinity has been blocked by beliefs. That wedge between your hurt, human self and your divine self can not be sustained after you have reached this place in your journey. The force of your desire to heal will shatter the beliefs that have kept you safe but in pain, protected you, but kept you imprisoned, and lolled you asleep while life implores you to live.There is a free and unblocked journey in front of you. You want it. You have wanted it for a long time.

You have dared to open yourself to the possibility of Spirit while living in a world shut off from that place of love and power. The thin veil between the world of flowers and the world of Spirit is becoming thinner and your pain has allowed you to glimpse the joining of the two worlds. Trust your inner Spirit to know what is right, what is true. You can. With practice, the inner turmoil of your past can act as a gate that takes you to the place of your soul. You will remain there for longer periods of time. You will learn to reside in a place of true Self that is bolstered by the force of life, unstoppable and pure in its purpose. You walk from a place of knowing. Your decisions and the choices you make in your daily life will come from the solid place of knowing that you know. The knowledge of your absolute connectedness to all things will slip from the muddy waters of your beliefs into the charted center of your Being.

Sometimes it is by walking on the edge of death that awakens a human to the Spiritual realm of their true nature. Sometimes it is sickness, or a divorce, or the loss of a child that acts as a precursor to surrender to the Spirit’s nudge toward aware connection. Suffering abuse can take you to that place of surrender. Abuse forces you to discover your honest assessment of yourself. It leads you to an incorruptible appraisal of your belief in a Higher Power. Abuse will tear down the world you built to keep you safe from uncertainty. It will rip apart the world built on the shaky ground of your illusions. Your Divine human Self will raise itself from the ashes of your uncertainty and you will see the truth of your rightful place in this Universe.
Copyright Vickie Spray © 2009

Human Warrior

Human Warrior-Sept 7

My friend Robin calls her the warrior self. It is the part of my psyche that rushes to guard me from those things and people she perceives as potentially harmful. Her purpose is to protect me from anything she senses might be a threat. The thing is, besides the normal dangers of dark alleys and scary drivers on the interstate, any movement on my part toward the wide yonder of promise brings her out in full force. The unknown is a huge threat and she must keep me from it at all cost. There is no telling what might happen in the unknown.

She runs to the front and stations herself between me and the threat the minute she senses my move toward an unknown direction in my life, no matter how glorious and promising it may appear. I can be feeling hope, wonderment and joy at a new prospect for prosperity and fulfillment and she obviously feels like all of these emotions must be shut down and rearranged into a blockade for the sake of safety. I am often filled with joy at the possibilities of my life’s journey! My life is so full of promise right now but little is known about the practical manifestation of that great promise. These very feelings of expansion with the unknown possibilities in the horizon call out my warrior and she runs positioning herself strategically between me and those possibilities.

Her stance is strong and secure after many years of protecting me from the messes I have walked toward and into in the past. She stands there, steady and strong between me and whatever that future possibility might be. She is very, very good at her job. She has kept me out of danger on many occasions. In the past, my hurt self was drawn to people who were living from their own hurt places and we fed each other’s pain but I was never devoured. She was there. She is fast, efficient, and a powerful foe.

Her inability to discriminate between threat and possibility is becoming a liability to my dream of living my full potential. Any movement from the still waters of lived experience into unlived experience is a threat to her. She effectively shuts down my forward movement toward my purpose. I have said I want to live fully without reservation and I want to live by my Spirit. My Spirit moves toward amazing people, places and yes, unknown possibilities, and here she comes, ready for battle. My Spirit, at that moment stops its movement toward great promise as it never will trespass against the choices of my will. My warrior stands there on duty until all feelings of forward movement halt and has steadied itself back into the safety of known-ness. My Spirit rest in a respectful position of acceptance until it is time to try and fulfill its purpose. I am left watching all this with growing frustration.

I have begun the process of interceding. When my emotions expand into the joy of possibility, which is her alarm bell, and I feel her running toward the front of me as my great protector, I place my hands on her shoulders and steer her back to me in a place of acceptance and trust. I direct her to stand there and watch my Spirit take us to the new places of our potential. The Spirit of ourselves is leading both of us into that new place and it can be trusted to take us safely and gloriously into the open and thriving field of destiny. It is here that I have wanted to reach and she has served her purpose very well indeed. It is time now for her to integrate into the safe place of Me. Her job is done.