Monthly Archives: October 2009

Passion to Write

writing blogMary brought the lap top to me first thing this morning. Her face was determined and she was in deep thought when she reached me. She brought it to me because I have begun to write again and she wants to support my passion.
It is this passion that has not allowed me to forgo writing even when the hopes of making a living at such an endeavor appears reserved for a very few people. It is this passion that guarantees there will be a pen in almost every coat pocket I own. It is why I have scraps of writing in file cabinets, file folders, unmarked manila envelopes, and tossed haphazardly in my junk drawers.

My passion creates a piece of writing worth publishing just often enough to fuel the desire to write again. It helps to have Mary to remind me that putting ideas, thoughts and stories on paper that someone may consider enticing enough to read is an honorable way to spend one’s time and energy. It may even be virtuous.
And so I have a book I am attempting to get published and I have begun a memoir. The book is a spiritually modern Daily Word sort of approach for abused women. The title is After the Abuse-Your Spiritual Self.

I have wanted to write a memoir forever but could never find the right tone that could convey a lighthearted approach to a serious life. I found the tone somehow and am writing it in earnest I have discovered a fabulous editor who relieves the pressure writers often feel when they write as I know she will catch the blunders and this helps my creativity to live. I need her!

I have known a number of people who give up on their writing and I understand why this happens. Some give up on it and they manage their lives just fine. Others though do not do very well. Writing is an intricate part of who they are and discarding writing is disastrous to their passion for living. I shudder with the realization of how close I came to letting go of something I have loved for so long.
Copyright 2009
Vickie Spray

Ceremony

blog-ceremony
Acceptance of our past does not mean we approve of the harm that was done to us. It does not mean we forgive the person who betrayed, hurt or otherwise caused pain in our lives. What it does mean is that we accept whatever happened. We accept that we cannot change what happened and we release our hold on the desire to change what happened. We recognize that we stand now in a different time and a different place. We let go of the negative fog that hangs around this event or series of events. The negative energy that has attached itself to these things will clear. There is now room for positive energy. This positive energy will permeate every thought, action and reaction you have in your daily life.

Find a quiet place. If you are accustomed to centering yourself, use your method now. If you are not accustomed to centering yourself, close your eyes and take three deep breaths and release each breath. Follow each breath in and follow it out until the air of each breath is completely expelled.

Reflect on the relationships you have had. Be aware of the feeling you have with each person and prepare to release your hold on any of the negatives associated with each name. With an attitude of acceptance, hold those people in your mind and the words you have chosen to describe them. Slowly, with a nod toward each one, say aloud, “I accept that you came into my human journey and I release my hold onto the negative belief that experience created.” Feel the clearing of the space within you where pain had lodged. What do you feel now? If it feels right, describe your feeling in writing or to a trusted person.

Vickie Spray
Copyright 2009

Dust-Covered Eyes

eye

My eyes are not as caked-over with dust and I can see…a little more clearly.

It seems strange to me that the time I set aside to seek a more purposeful way to make a living has turned into a deeper walk within my spiritual Self. And then, like anything, there is the counter response to that surprise as though to say, “Of course, this stepping out into the abyss would take you to a new place in your inner sanctum.”

Pain, joy, gratitude, the unknown, uncertainty, contradictions, stillness, and silence are paths to Spirit. I have had my share of all those energy-filled adjectives and nouns in these last six months of exploration. There have been moments of absolute wonder and deeply felt love from a Universe that is often quiet. In the beginning of this journey I felt that silence was a sign of the absence of Source. Now, I almost always remember that it is a sign of Its presence.

My journey toward work that is satisfying and one of service did not manifest itself in these six months and I am saddened by this. I so wanted to delve into the possibility of finding a heart-centered vocation that did not steal my life-affirming energy but fed it, one that did not undermine my passion for writing but energized it, one that did not clog my life with mundane hours of mediocrity, but infused my time with purpose and life-changing acts of kindness.

My search is not over. The crazy work-world that we have in America might become influenced by Europe’s attitude toward how people can make a living without eating in their cars on the way to work.

I have returned to my writing in a way that is more influenced by my spiritual walk. I am curious to see how that plays out. If I was going to abandon my need to write, I would have done it in these six months as the world of viral marketing and business networking can chew passion up and spit it out almost as quickly as a nine to five office job.

I will continue my workshops as there appears to be an interest in them and healing has been facilitated, it seems. I will speak where I am asked to speak and will leave myself open to that still small voice that has changed my life during others times of exploration.
I think I might be slightly better at hearing that voice than I was and my eyes are clearer to see the promptings of that voice than they were…even six months ago.
Copyright Vickie Spray 2009