Monthly Archives: June 2010

I Am Alive

sometimes-fawn Sometimes I am a fawn on unsteady legs. My eyes are wide open with effort and my face is tense with earnest desire. A butterfly may flutter by and for a moment, I forget my goal of standing steady. Thankfully, the butterfly knows where it must go and I am left again with my intention.

Sometimes I am a bear whose strength is unquestioned. My fortitude can not be denied. I rest peacefully beneath the protection of great trees. I fight when I must fight. I lumber away from concerns that do not support my peace and I do not question things that do not need to be questioned.

Sometimes, I am an owl who is not defined by the opinion of others. I fly in majestic aloneness. I do what I must do. I am eerily beautiful and I am very, very good at what I do.

Sometimes I am a dog whose playfulness knows no bounds and whose love is as boundless as her desire to take naps, eat and proffer a belly rub.

Sometimes, I am a cat and that is just fine with me.

All human life is some part failure and some part achievement. Dalai Lama

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When I look back on my life, I see a woman who has failed miserably on many occasions and achieved huge steps toward living a loving and authentic life on many other occasions.

Most of my failures, in my mind, stem from the pain I have inflicted on others. I still sometimes cringe from the memories of hurting some of the people who entered my journey. There have been a hundred hurts and a thousand regrets. Many choices were made from fear. I made choices influenced by fear of myself, fear of others, fear of the future, fear that the past would irrevocably harm my future and fear that there is not enough me, enough love and enough time. I admit my failures freely.

And if I am to evolve into the person I came onto this earth to become, I will learn from the pain I heave caused others. I will use each painful infraction, no matter how big or how small, as a way to deepen my love for myself as a spiritual being and to expand my love for others as they move in their own journey as spiritual beings. I will seek forgiveness from those I have hurt and forgive myself in the absence or presence of their ability to forgive.

Most of my achievements stem from my compassion toward my human journey. When I apply compassion to my life, I can see a woman who was afraid but courageous and a woman who might have been weakened by the lack of emotional tools but buoyed up by her insistence to flourish. This choice to apply compassion to my life’s walk has assisted others in their walk. I have, by virtue of being a human being seeking a full spiritual Self, given inspiration to other human journeyers. My achievements are a part of my human life. I gladly accept that I will continue to fail and that I will continue to achieve.