Dust-Covered Eyes

eye

My eyes are not as caked-over with dust and I can see…a little more clearly.

It seems strange to me that the time I set aside to seek a more purposeful way to make a living has turned into a deeper walk within my spiritual Self. And then, like anything, there is the counter response to that surprise as though to say, “Of course, this stepping out into the abyss would take you to a new place in your inner sanctum.”

Pain, joy, gratitude, the unknown, uncertainty, contradictions, stillness, and silence are paths to Spirit. I have had my share of all those energy-filled adjectives and nouns in these last six months of exploration. There have been moments of absolute wonder and deeply felt love from a Universe that is often quiet. In the beginning of this journey I felt that silence was a sign of the absence of Source. Now, I almost always remember that it is a sign of Its presence.

My journey toward work that is satisfying and one of service did not manifest itself in these six months and I am saddened by this. I so wanted to delve into the possibility of finding a heart-centered vocation that did not steal my life-affirming energy but fed it, one that did not undermine my passion for writing but energized it, one that did not clog my life with mundane hours of mediocrity, but infused my time with purpose and life-changing acts of kindness.

My search is not over. The crazy work-world that we have in America might become influenced by Europe’s attitude toward how people can make a living without eating in their cars on the way to work.

I have returned to my writing in a way that is more influenced by my spiritual walk. I am curious to see how that plays out. If I was going to abandon my need to write, I would have done it in these six months as the world of viral marketing and business networking can chew passion up and spit it out almost as quickly as a nine to five office job.

I will continue my workshops as there appears to be an interest in them and healing has been facilitated, it seems. I will speak where I am asked to speak and will leave myself open to that still small voice that has changed my life during others times of exploration.
I think I might be slightly better at hearing that voice than I was and my eyes are clearer to see the promptings of that voice than they were…even six months ago.
Copyright Vickie Spray 2009

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